Summertime and the feeling’s unsure

May 3, 2008 at 3:50 am Leave a comment

First off, wordpress just alerted me to the fact that, for the low low price of $15 a year, I could make this everybodylovesjill.com — an idea I should not have liked as much as I did. If ever I find myself in the position to have my own website (it’ll take a lot, really though), I am SO doing that. (Side note: check out the song ‘Everybody Loves Jill’ by Cowboy Mouth. ‘Tis this site’s inspiration.)

Alright now, the post:

Summer. It’s a queer time of year, esp for those under the age of 22(ish). Many of us, at least many of those I know, are pushed to use our summers to the absolute max – stressing ourselves out over getting the perfect internship and moving to places like New York to gain experience worthy of a good resume. Still others are pushed to take more classes and work as many hours as possible. All this pushing tends to lead to questions like, ‘Wait, but am I doing enough?’

I sometimes yearn for the days of waking up every morning at 10, watching the Price is Right and Unsolved Mysteries, eventually getting dressed and (maybe) making my bed, and getting on the computer or going to the park. If only we could enjoy our stress-free childhoods as much as we inevitably end up wishing we did.

I find myself in a state of, ‘Is what I’m doing a waste of time?’ right now, and I hate it. I hate thinking that just because I’m not doing yet another internship, I might not be okay in the real world a year from now. Yes, this is my last summer at home and yes, my family mean more to me than a lot of 21-yr-olds families mean to them (at least in the sense of how much time they really want to spend together), but I still can’t help but feel regret for not chasing down some crazy dream job for the summer.

The solution: I’ve been telling myself lately that there are a lot of people my age who are doing basically nothing with their lives. And who’s to say it’s nothing anyways? After years and years of being pushed to take as many upper-level classes as possible and get as many things on my resume as possible, who says I’m not entitled to spend my last summer working full-time at a company that has nothing to do with my future career?

I don’t know who exactly says these things that make me feel useless if I’m not interning at some big-name TV station, but I have a sneaking suspicion that there are some questions I’m never going to escape. So maybe I’m not doing the most I possibly could – I have the rest of my life lined up, what’s a few months off going to hurt? Not much, I hope I hope.

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Entry filed under: LOOK I'm being deep!. Tags: , , .

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Look at THESE too, yo

Does anyone actually READ this?

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